(Sur) Real Estate Glossary: Top 24 Descriptions Defined

By Serena Heslop

Having trouble deciphering those real estate ads? Here’s what they REALLY mean:

Move-in condition = front door is missing
Light, open spaces = many holes in the walls
In-city oasis = a swamp
All original = original mold, original termites
Territorial views = sweeping view of neighbor’s blackberry bushes and rusty car collection
Close to buses = the bus stop is at your front door
Retro = orange shag carpet, avocado appliances and dark wood paneling
Wide-open floor plan = previous owner removed supporting walls
Outstanding = sticks out like a sore thumb
Convenient = located on a freeway entrance ramp
Cozy = oversized doghouse
Lower level family room = Ping-pong table over sewer opening
Gardener’s paradise = chiropractor’s meal-ticket
Gourmet kitchen = includes cutting board
Convenient to shopping = is located in a Safeway parking lot
Modern appliances = includes flushing toilet
Mountain view = from a tiptoed stance atop the chimney
Doll House = big enough for Barbie (sans Ken)
Unique floor plan = kitchen is in the living room
Just needs your personal touches = i.e., walls
Fixer = faux foundation
Handyman’s dream = Joe Blow’s nightmare
Mint = someone spilled mouthwash on the carpet
Sweat Equity = you’re in a for a real stinker